The Magic of Words, Part 1: The Meta Model

TL;DR

The words we use shape the way we think, act and see the world around us.

In this newsletter, we explore the magic of language and the Meta Model. A tool that helps us understand how we use language to represent our experiences of the world.

We'll dive into the key components of the Meta Model, its relevance to leadership, and provide practical applications for using it to enhance our leadership skills.

Words.

We’re surrounded by them. We’ve used them for years. But have you ever stopped to think about the impact of the words we use?

The words we use shape the way we think, act and see the world around us.

If you change the words a person uses, you change the person.

But how can we harness the power of language to become better leaders?

One route to this is the Meta Model.

The Meta Model is a linguistic tool that helps us understand how we use language to represent our experiences of the world.

By understanding the Meta Model, we can better understand those around us, communicate more powerfully and become more effective leaders.

In this first instalment of "The Magic of Words" series, we'll dive into the key components of the Meta Model, explore its relevance to marketing, strategy, and leadership, and provide practical applications for using it to enhance our leadership skills.

Get ready to unlock the magic of words!

The Key Components of the Meta Model

There’s an unfathomable amount of information in our world. If we were to process all of the information that we are exposed to, we’d be overwhelmed 24/7 and unable to function.

So, in a bid to help keep us sane, our brain filters the information automatically. There are 3 main ways it does this:

Deletions: When our brain unconsciously removes or ignores certain aspects of our sensory experience.

Distortions: When our brain alters or changes the sensory information that we receive, based on our past experiences or expectations.

Generalisations: When our brain categorises or groups information into larger concepts or patterns to help us make sense of the world around us.

While this process helps prevent us from being a shivering mess, rocking back and forth in the corner of a room, they are also the cause of errors in our thinking.

This leads to inaccurate perceptions and judgments about the world around us, potentially leading to misunderstandings and conflicts with others.

The Meta Model is a tool that we can use to break down these misunderstandings and unpick the generalisations, clarify distortions and undo unhelpful deletions.

A path to deeper understanding

I’ll shortly introduce a toolkit of “Meta Model Flags” to watch out for in daily communication and a set of questions you can use to go deeper into understanding and resolving issues.

But first, I want to share a case study from a real scenario I encountered a few years ago when coaching a client.

The aim is to give a snapshot of how the Meta Model works in a real setting.

—

“They can’t stand me. None of them. They won’t listen”. 

His head was low and shoulders were slumped. He was the CMO at a well known brand.

There was high tension between him and his marketing team. We were sat in a coffee shop away from the office. He wanted some distance.

One of the keys to learning to use the Meta Model is spotting distortions, generalisations and deletions in the language that people use every day.

Look at his opening sentence again. What do you see? Let’s break it down:

Deletions: My client doesn't specify who "they" are or provide any context for why he believes that none of "them" can stand them. This represents a deletion in the sentence, as he has unconsciously removed important details that could provide a more accurate understanding of the situation.

Generalisations: The use of the word "none" and "they won't listen" represents a generalisation, as my client is making broad assumptions about the feelings and behaviours of an entire group of people without providing any specific evidence or context.

Distortions: The sentence also contains a distortion, as the speaker is interpreting the situation based on his own perceptions and emotions rather than objective evidence. He’s projecting his own insecurities or biases onto the situation, which is leading him to distort his interpretation of events.

The impact of deletions, generalisations and distortions on my client was a hindrance for him to see the situation accurately and therefore find a workable solution.

Who knew that such a short simple sentence could open a world of complication!

When you find yourself in this situation, you want to be able to identify the deletions, generalisations and distortions.

You also want to identify the outcome that the speaker is wanting.

What did my client want above all else? A smooth running marketing department where everyone felt respected and heard.

In the next section, let's look at some of the questions that I asked and the impact they had on the situation.

The right questions break down barriers

The first question I asked: How do you know they can’t stand you?

The aim of this question was to get him to drill into this limiting belief and break down the negative perception he was currently experiencing.

When you’re in the role of helping someone as a colleague, consultant etc. it’s important for you to not make assumptions and learn as much as you can about not just the situation, but the other person’s perception of the situation.

Their perception is their reality.

After that, I asked: And they never listen to you?

The aim of this question was to break down a distortion to help my client get a more accurate picture of the scenario.

It turns out that most of the time he was actually listened to. But in some key meetings, his ideas aren’t received as warmly as he would have liked.

After a few more questions, it became apparent to him that he was part of the problem.

By being more open to his team's ideas and being a more active listener, he could help build a more collaborative environment where everyone felt valued and heard.

This realisation was a turning point for him, and he committed to making changes in his leadership style to improve communication and build a more positive working relationship with his team.

Your Meta Model Toolkit

As promised, I'd like to introduce you to some tools that can help you identify common language patterns that signal distortions, generalisations, and deletions in communication.

I call these "Meta Model Flags", and once you learn to spot them, you'll be better equipped to recognise when someone's language is hindering their understanding of a situation.

Here are some examples of common Meta Model Flags to watch out for:

• Using vague language or abstractions like "they", "always", or "never"

• Making assumptions or jumping to conclusions without evidence

• Making sweeping statements without specific examples or evidence

• Using absolute language like "everyone", "no one", or "all"

• Ignoring or leaving out important details that could provide a more accurate understanding of the situation

When you spot these Meta Model Flags, it's important to ask questions that help the speaker clarify their language and break down any distortions, generalisations, or deletions they might be using.

This can help both you and the speaker gain a more accurate understanding of the situation and work towards a resolution.

Here are some questions you can use to go deeper into understanding and resolving issues:

• Can you give me a specific example of what you mean?

• How do you know that's true?

• What evidence do you have to support that statement?

• Can you provide more detail or context?

• Who exactly are you referring to?

• How might they see this situation?

• What specifically makes you believe that?

• Can you tell me more about that?

• Can you give me an example of when that has happened?

• What other perspectives or options could we consider?

By using these Meta Model Flags and questions, you can help foster more effective communication, break down barriers, and build more positive relationships with those around you.

Practice the magic of words

The Meta Model is a powerful tool that allows us to break down misunderstandings and communicate more effectively.

While every day language is the basis of the Meta Model, the magic is in the intent and direction of the words towards making a specific change.

This applies to all areas of leadership, including marketing and strategy. By harnessing the power of language, we can become better leaders and create more positive working relationships with our teams.

With the Meta Model Flags and questions provided, we can start to spot and address distortions, generalisations, and deletions in communication, leading to deeper understanding and more effective resolutions.

The key to unlocking the magic of words?

Practice.

So, your action is to actively listen for distortions, generalisations, and deletions in everyday conversation. Notice when you use distortions, generalisations, and deletions as well.

Apply the questions and you’ll start to experience the magic of words and the difference they can make.

To learn more:

I’ve not read many books on the Meta Model. I’ve been trained by expert practitioners and read a bunch of articles. The best way to learn is to practice. But one article that stands out to me is this: https://happyrubin.com/nlp/meta-model/

Thanks for reading

Amir

PS. Questions? Comments? Suggestions? I read and respond to every email, so please don’t be shy!